Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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