Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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