Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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