i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
