its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
