i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
