I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
