She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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