i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
