i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize