yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Randomize
