Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
