I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
