he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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