I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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