we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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