Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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