You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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