Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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