so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
