Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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