Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
