Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
