dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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