someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize