She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize