Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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