She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize