So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
