When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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