When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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