11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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