Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
