I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
