So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
