does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
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