on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
