Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
