my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
