also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
