Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
