I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I supernannyed him into submission
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
