I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
