Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
