I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
