fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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