I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
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