South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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