Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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