who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
