Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
