Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
