Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
