I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
