i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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