So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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