I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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