Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
