Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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