I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
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