He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
then he tried to convert me to islam
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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